Obvs I'm in a full-on swoon over Obama, and I'm sorry to inflict that on you, the loyal readers of RoBros. But take a look at this speech he gave to a bunch of Cleveland Jews on Saturday, and the Q&A that followed. Is it not a model of direct, reasonable, adult discourse? Is this not the sound of a man who thinks of his listeners as thoughtful, mature humans, rather than as some constituency to be assuaged? Is it not incredibly weird to hear this kind of talk coming from someone who is at this moment the front-running candidate for president of the United States?

Why I love New York: So some folks get on the Q train, and some other people say "Merry Christmas!" and the first group of people, who it turns out are Jewish, reply "Happy Hanukkah!" So the first group of people attack them and beat them up.

But! Another passenger -- a "good Samaritan," if you will -- intervenes and helps the Jews fight off the Christians. And he turns out to be a Muslim! And the Jews and the Muslim fight off the Christians together! And then the police come and arrest the Christians, and the Jews invite the Muslim over to celebrate Hanukkah the next night, and everyone is happy, except for the Christians, who are facing assault charges. The end.

Aww, thanks! Howard Dean thinks Jews can go to Heaven. (He's wrong, of course, but we appreciate the sentiment.)

Firmly under the heading of "bad for the Jews" is the tragic story of Darren Sherman, who met some girl on JDate, took her out to dinner, and then, when she failed to call him, demanded that she pay him back for her share of the meal. Fortunately this is 2007, and so his e-mails and voicemails are available for all to enjoy.

Check out Jew Benny Feilhaber scoring a stunning winner for the US in the final of the CONCACAF Gold Cup.

At last, getting excited about the US soccer team seems at least theoretically possible.

UPDATE: Michael Winn of Weil, Gotshal and Manges points out that Feilhaber was joined on Sunday by another MOT, defender Jonathan Bornstein.

Long piece by the Voice's J. Hoberman on the brief, weird stardom of Elliott Gould, who happens to be my ego-ideal.

According to RoBros lore, a certain family elder once claimed that there is no such thing as a Jewish homosexual. (The first time we heard this story, Zack and I spent an afternoon naming every Jewish homosexual we could think of. It's kind of a fun game. Next we did black vegetarians.) Anyway: we now have proof that, not only are there plenty of Jewish homosexuals, there is at least one submissive Israeli diplomat.

Things that make us feel ashamed to be Jewish, part un

I'm now announcing the launch of what may or may not become a regular Roth Brothers feature, entitled, "Things that make us feel ashamed to be Jewish." Today's "Thing that makes us feel ashamed to be Jewish" is the existence of Joshua Rikon and Rebecca Benjamin, and their prominent position in the NYT's "Vows" section this weekend.

Here's the basic rundown: She's "director of matchmaker operations for two Jewish dating Web sites: SawYouAtSinai.com [hahahahahahahaha!!! - ed] and JRetroMatch.com." He's an associate at Goldstein, Goldstein, Rikon & Gottlieb [Do you think the two Goldsteins are related, or it's just a coincidence?]. They meet at a Jewish singles weekend at Club Getaway, a sports resort in Kent, Conn. He tells her that his sister Shoshanna runs a matchmaking service called "Shoshanna's Singles." Etc.

It gets better though. Unbeknownst to her, a short time earlier he had visited the home of his friend Larry Berger, "with whom he shares Jets season tickets and a passion for Buffalo wings, cheerleaders and sports." There, he had seen a picture of her with Berger and Dan Quayle. When he learned that she'd be at the upcoming singles weekend he "did some form of a touchdown dance," according to Berger.

And finally: "'I am a Jewish mother waiting to happen,' Ms. Benjamin said. 'I used to say that on dates, but guys didn’t like that [can you imagine? - ed]. For Josh, it doesn’t turn him away.'" Check the un-focking-believable picture if you doubt her. And be sure to note the look of demented glee on the faces of all four parents.

Jesus Christ, I feel like killing myself. In all seriousness, something has gone badly wrong with these people.

Oh God No!

Things appear to have been headed this way for a while now. And Jews are, unsurprisingly, at the forefront.

Also the Hassidim who run a hotel and foolishly try to rip Tony off. One starts lecturing him about the fall of the Roman empire. Hassid: "And where are the Romans now?" Tony: "You're lookin' at 'em." Cue the ultraviolence.

Also: that thing in the article about how leaders are measured by how they treat their Jews? I bet a Jew made that up.

The Sopranosteins

Sorry, lame title. There is way more to be said about The Soprano's approach to "the Jewish question" than is accomplished here. This totally ignores the famous Mercedes heist at the Jewish wedding. More broadly, it doesn't address the skill with which the show's creators depict the way that suburban Jews and Italians in the NYC metro area are in almost the exact same social/cultural/economic milieu, having made the move from the LES/Little Italy to the New Jersey and Westchester, and assimilated into the American mainstream at almost the exact same time. The Jews always seem to represent what Carmela imagines her own family's existence could be if Tony could just grow up.

Someone has finally come up with a scientific explanation for why Jews are smarter than everyone else.